Jenn is SEW great at being a supervisor and helping these teens and their families get back on track.
spk_0: 0:00
You know, that's funny, because I didn't make up the other day and didn't draw my dress on. And I was like, Wow, just looks like before. I think that's the one that you
spk_1: 0:39
Teoh the Philibert Sessions by cast I'm Nicole and know what episode this is, but welcome. Um, and today's guest, Ismay Z, of course, he was, like, clacking around, but he's the guest, uh, Smitty and his long nails and my super amazing supervisor
spk_0: 1:04
Jin Hai. Thanks for having me. Thank you for coming. And
spk_1: 1:11
I think what's really great about this episode is that usually reversing. We're gonna have people play with their favorite toys r eat their favorite snacks. But today we're like, crossed it.
spk_0: 1:23
Yes, well, you got me into cross stitching, so I feel like I owe hated wear it a lot because it's my new meditation, but it's Oh, my gosh, somebody is drinking
spk_1: 1:32
out of my, which is probably really great.
spk_0: 1:34
So, um, but that
spk_1: 1:42
is just water, you know, Now you can have something handsome and get all the nutrients I need way are cross stitching, which
spk_0: 1:54
we certainly
spk_1: 1:55
like. We're going to get to when we talk about like self care, but yet this is a great
spk_0: 2:00
It's so great. So thank you again for getting me started. You are welcome. And you're so good. You're looking your baby Yoda, though. I mean, on the
spk_1: 2:13
video you will see how far it's going along. You can tell, you know,
spk_0: 2:19
let me start describing it in Extremely. There's a stitch here. There's a stitch SpongeBob music like three. Just like she's still talking like I feel that
spk_1: 2:31
when we're in, Sometimes when we're in stabbing, though, and you and I get on tangents about so
spk_0: 2:37
like thread conditioning coming alone, you felt like tangles a lot And
spk_1: 2:43
I go Workers are like
spk_0: 2:45
so Anyway, glad that our job like, what size needle do you? I think this problem, like where your cloth is to like lose. It doesn't like What are you talking then They They usually start about like mortal combat, though, right? And really, we they look like you should. Staffing is an adventure. I love it. I
spk_1: 3:15
don't know what percentages of time we talk about clients, but I feel like we get everything covered from, you know, our personal life to our hobbies. Movies that are coming out. Try try after
spk_0: 3:29
two years and like, maybe method down for nothing. It's for
spk_1: 3:34
me is perfect. You get the job stuff in. But you also get, you know, my personal ransom.
spk_0: 3:40
It matters. It matters. Especially when you are a therapist. Like so much of personal life bladders in your work. Which is why this is why I wanted to do this. Because
spk_1: 3:54
I feel like they're like people who come to the everything that their best are these perfect people with perfect guys Couldn't be farther away? No. Absolutely. Yes. Which leads me to my first question. So why did you choose this location instead of being like professional hostage?
spk_0: 4:20
Well, seeing as I've been cross stitching for a grand total of, like three or four months now, um, I would have been a strange thing to choose. It would have yet. So, just by patterns and stitch, I choose I feel like therapy and ending up as a there. This was kind of like, loopy. Okay, Yeah. I always wanted to be a teacher. When I was a kid, I played teacher. I was wanted to be a teacher. I told my dad like I want to be a teacher. And for some reason I think his mom actually discouraged him from being a teacher. And so he was like, I'll never discourage you from being a teacher, But then he kind of did, And I think it was just because And maybe he knew I'd be, like, single forever. I just want you to be able to, like, make money and support yourself and figure that, yeah, he doesn't know. Like, there there is its teachings hard in some places like, Yeah, it's just not as celebrated and rewarded as it should be. Oh, really? Who have, like a crazy difficult. And so instead of teaching, I went to the highly lucrative career social. She was like, Oh, that's not what I had a I So I like I always like the idea of teaching And then, you know, when your sophomore year of high school, you do like those aptitude. Did you do that where you take those aptitude tests? The top result from you is always a flight attendant. That was always My top result was like a flight attendant interesting, which again sky but lower down on the list. It did always give me teaching. And then it also talked about, like psychology and there. So I was like, psychology. Sounds interesting. Took a piece like 19 year high school. It was like, Wow, this is cool. So that's my major. And then kind of like went along in psychology for a little while in college. And then someone suggested doing like a double major in psychology and family child sciences. And so I started doing a double major, and this was Florida State University, just in case anything like that. Yeah, eso I was doing psychology and family child sciences, and that's where I started really learning about, like different stages of development and developing like a cool understanding like adolescence. And I was like, This is interesting. I like teenagers. What, your time? Yeah, tough years, Um, and then at the end of college, they had us do a project for like what we would want to do next. What next steps, whereas for his career, goes So I met with a therapist at an agency who was a licensed clinical social worker, and she was like, You should get your master's in social work. It's such a big umbrella that covers so many different career options. Like you could do all different types of therapy. You can do things that aren't clinical policy stuff. Go that route. And I was like, OK, strangely, people only need What's a tire life? I'll take my wisdom from day, which is like a witch in a forest. Yeah, I'm right there with you like a stranger. I'm gonna do that. And I did, and I loved it on. So yeah, from there it was just kind of narrowing down. Like which population I wanted toe and with those teenagers.
spk_1: 7:59
So now you're here in Raleigh and we were in the same agency working with teenagers who don't necessarily choose Teoh be in there. Right? Right. So how I know how that has been for me, but how has that been for you? Sort of trying Teoh sell
spk_0: 8:21
there? Yeah, big dudes. And they tell you in and I don't know if you've, like, talked with our mentioned, like, what type of their people do. Yeah, So we do functional family therapy, which I had literally never heard about until this, Uh, yeah, I was like, Oh, that's new. Uh, and they as part of trading for functional family. There appear FFT, as we lovingly call it. They do say love
spk_1: 8:53
card. It's like 115 that stands for something completely different. Have seen it described other things Tianjin. Because that's what
spk_0: 9:05
I any way you like? Yes, engagement and moving right advertised that family. But they do say in treat you like you do have to sell it because so many of our people are mandated right for and it is it's it's definitely tricky. I feel like you get those families who even other mandated they're like, Yeah, this is probably good for us. We could probably benefit from this. But when you really get a lot of the families that are like, this is invasive, we don't need this
spk_1: 9:34
because we also do you Yeah, I was not. I'm gonna sit on your badge and talk to you about your problems,
spk_0: 9:46
which is what it feels like. Okay. Yeah, And we talked the other day about how a lot of times families don't talk about the stuff going on in their lives. And so they're like, we're fine until you come and you stir. Go. Yeah, Yeah, it's It's a
spk_1: 10:02
job. Yeah, it's a very tough job where, as in relation to you bring compares to some other very you know, they're being come to my office, sitting on the couch.
spk_0: 10:14
You chose this. He wanted this. Your active participant treatment. So
spk_1: 10:19
it is, Um, but because we work with such, you know, an at risk population. Um, it does take a toll, but do you find sometimes that these kids who are on probation and struggling that you can relate to them sometimes?
spk_0: 10:37
Yeah. I will say this for working with mandated clients because I know we're far from the only program that does. A lot of times you're starting with people who are highly resistant to treatment. And once you kind of get in the door with them, if you're able, Teoh, build that alliance and get them on board. When they started in a place where they were not, it does end up being really rewarding. But I do think I do really That was your questions about relating Teoh. Sometimes, Yeah, I was such a nerd. I was like, I'm goody goody. I did not do what these kids dio like after doing this for almost four years and still shocked like you did you What? You what? But their core family stuff And like home dynamics and just that kind of teenage experience of, like, figuring out who you are trying to figure out where you fit in the world. And I feel like those end up kind of being core problems and things that teenagers air sorting out across the board so that I find I can relate Thio more than being like,
spk_1: 11:51
you must steal this car, right? Make threats and fight, cause I'm just having a bad day
spk_0: 11:58
battery on a Leo. Sure. That's what I think of. No. So that I don't really too. But that stuff often comes from those core struggles. Just, like kind of playing out in different ways. Yeah,
spk_1: 12:13
just not knowing how to deal with, like, these regular stresses, like Okay, we would probably have done something dirty, like Harry Potter. Kids were like, No, I'm a bad ass. Find someone? Yeah, instead. Yeah,
spk_0: 12:38
like something is going on. And it's not about E. Nobody has
spk_1: 12:42
paid any attention to me for 36. Yeah, uh, Miles, we're managing a lot of kids
spk_0: 12:51
really wants ditches, pets, pets in general. Like you know what? You're gonna pay attention to me, or I'm gonna knock your glasses. Yeah.
spk_1: 13:02
Yeah. I found that our kids just really to be acknowledged for crazy stuff they're doing. Sure. And that's been fine to be like you, you know, handsomely.
spk_0: 13:16
Yeah, I think. And I talked about this with my therapist. Full disclosure. Yeah, I sort of shared. You can't believe it to be this long, but we kind of talked about how a lot of times just connection is a core human need, and so we don't know a healthy way of eating that way. Kids. Yeah. Anybody TV, it's across
spk_1: 13:46
the board. It never ends. So yeah, this thing this broadcast will be all about Go, go out there. And so that's That's a really good Segway saying, Do you have
spk_0: 13:59
to do so? No, I had to put that on. That's our work phones, ladies and gentle Saturday. But yeah, I did. It took me a long time. I've been wanting to for years to go get a therapist because I feel like it's good when you are. There is just no what the process is like finding a therapist opening up to somebody recognizing that it is super uncomfortable Sometime. Yeah, Yeah, it was like it helps me understand our families a little bit more with being a little resistant, Like wanting to talk about some stuff I need to go. Yeah. And I had to hit a pretty low point in life to finally be like, Yeah,
spk_1: 14:47
it's time to start. So you recognized that? Yes. You reached out and it took you a long time. So you weren't like because I'm their business to find somebody?
spk_0: 15:01
Yeah, it started is that I was like and green and there's probably 11 crap I could work. But then I think just with a series of events that you know happens, it was kind of like This is a good time. Teoh have, like, an external support, someone who is not like an active participant in my life, like, be separate from the situation to kind of help
spk_1: 15:23
me sort through it. So there, this duty there,
spk_0: 15:30
everyone e technically
spk_1: 15:33
everyone. But you know, because we have some hard days and sometimes can even be triggered by something was definitely talk about like it's just nice to have that extra listening.
spk_0: 15:46
I think the common misconception for their P is like a lot of people assume that you either go to therapy because there is some sort of mental health or because something crazy happened. Where is really anyone could go on any given day and find something, something that they want, just, like process through. Sometimes you don't even realize until you get started talking their days. My surface just sits there. Well, I like externally process. And she's like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, like me sitting here. But
spk_1: 16:21
But you know what? That does bother me. Yeah. Okay. I need to
spk_0: 16:25
work on that. Yeah, I think it is. I think it's really cool to go to therapy and has the one who just encourages you to kind of, like, explore your truth in an uninhibited
spk_1: 16:34
way, What you wouldn't necessarily do with people that, you know, right? Because they could judge you, They might go. Tells him, Are you afraid of, like, endangering that relationship are? Yeah. And
spk_0: 16:47
so sometimes I could just say things that don't sound so nice out loud to someone who's like, I feel that way. Yeah, you always say
spk_1: 17:02
that, but I can't imagine, you know, like I go to therapy and sometimes say stuff, and I feel bad, this gene,
spk_0: 17:11
nicest person I know, going to therapy, being like I can't even imagine. I think that's well. And that's just I feel like there's such a duality to people. There's like the part of us that the world sees. And then there's the part of us that we kind of like, yeah, And so sometimes those hidden parts are what allow us to, like maintain the part that everyone sees, which is something I've talked a lot about. My their pieces was I very much have a facade that I present. It's like, done done look cute. I'm happy, joyful. I'm here to help you. What can I dio? And then I go home and I'm like a mess who hasn't shampooed my hair in five days, and I'm eating chips for dinner and then having like, resentful thoughts and people cares because that's what allows me to maintain the other side of it. So yeah, so I feel like they're a lot of people have that duality of like, this is what the world sees But then there's this inner part that I carry around that I don't share with everybody. How much
spk_1: 18:20
does that influence your practice like, How do you bring your gentleness, your your surgeon?
spk_0: 18:31
I'm surprised I I e o u
spk_1: 18:38
you bring all of that to your two people. Yeah,
spk_0: 18:45
I think I've tried to be a lot better about still like maintaining that part that I showed to people, which is the part that is, like, kind and friendly while still being pretty open and honest about the list. Glamorous side, that is like So you your normal Yeah, And so I'll say a lot of times like this is what we see. When we look at people think about like Social media, someone's instagram. You see all the beautiful things, but you don't see all the stuff that there that's cute. I'm very sad today. Or like I haven't done a good drop feeding myself today or I'm angry at this person, even though it's really not that big a deal, you know? So I try to be open about the fact that there are There are these parts of me that I do cover
spk_1: 19:42
them up like with this facade and, you know, way put so much pressure on ourselves to, like, be so consistent across the board. Feel like teenagers, Probably really resident. I can't imagine what it's like growing up with incessant, persistent, non s capable, inescapable social media. And so to hear somebody else say that is not really and you can totally be fine, but that is probably really nice.
spk_0: 20:17
It takes a little because, especially as a teenager like that is, your world is like your status is based on how people perceive you like getting the likes. And I likes Yeah, like having like, I think that's so much part of the teenage experiences, like Figure Out where You fit in this World and said there were, like trying on their
spk_1: 20:39
different for some people, thousands of in Syria followers so scary.
spk_0: 20:50
It is so scary. And I think when you're in that place of like seeking here connection and belonging and trying to find your place like you're also opening yourself up, Teoh the situations that do you get them in trouble like they get mixed up with people that they wouldn't normally have, or they do things that they wouldn't have normally done because it's like, get popularity like we talk about. I mean, the biggest way. Always talk about how the biggest risk factor for gang involvement is like not having that sense of connection or belonging somewhere. So they're like, Well, I'm gonna find it. Yeah, because I'm not getting it from the source. I'll find the
spk_1: 21:26
source. It's right there in the corner over
spk_0: 21:28
there. Yeah, and they my family. Now they'll watch out for me, and we have our colors that were true that
spk_1: 21:36
you know, who cares if that gets me in trouble? Because I feel like I belong to something. That's
spk_0: 21:47
it. And it's
spk_1: 21:48
wonderful and rewarding sometimes. But because we see them go through so much, it's sometimes really stressful, sometimes really hard. Sometimes we come home and ran. It has become
spk_0: 21:59
open. So like, how what
spk_1: 22:01
are some ways that you practice days where it gets
spk_0: 22:05
word? So one big thing for our job that we do a lot is driving. Yes, we do a lot of driving. We served 17 county, so we're constantly on the road and so I feel like that time is pretty valuable. A stars like leaving what happened. And second, Yeah, like I'm like by the time I get home would be done like I'll use that time to process and let go. Don't do it well, and I you know, I think it depends on the family. Teoh is because sometimes if there's a lot of, like, planning, that has to happen based on what
spk_1: 22:43
happened. Yeah, always let it go really bad. So when I am in the car for the hour drive, I'm thinking about everything I said. And I think that comes with being a new word. Your piss just didn't do it, right? Did I say it right? Is that can't gonna be Mr. Because the thing that
spk_0: 23:02
I said, um
spk_1: 23:04
and I'll just drive like that for, you know, in our
spk_0: 23:11
that's what I'm talking about it for any other therapist listening at it. It's totally normal to do that. Don't do it. What easier said that the right it's Yeah, cause it it does. It's not helpful to us in any way, and it gives us way too much power. Oh, yeah, To be like everything like, No, these feelings are a hot mess. Before we got them they will continue to be a hot mess. Anything we may be like stirred the pot a little too much, but we consumer, you know, like I think we I think a lot of therapists we put so much pressure on ourselves intend to give ourselves way too much power. Which is why we ruminate when really, it's just like anything. It's like and I think about this more than this
spk_1: 23:53
other person is, right. These rallies are not thinking about me,
spk_0: 23:58
right? You left and they went back to life. Yes, probably. Yeah, they're not sitting there like, let's pick apart everything. Nichols. See that T shirt? She It was kind of are our families YouTube. I can't believe they gave her a degree. That's what I think. They I think I always love when I the old family members who were, like a lot of tact Oh, like I dio Yeah. And still so they're like that. It's like, OK, ok,
spk_1: 24:48
but here I am giving you there, so yeah, that's very true. I don't I give that title of being with a RBIs. Too much weight. So that's when they nothing gratitude? Yeah, trying to just like figure way. Believe it so that it's
spk_0: 25:09
not true. Just try not to bring it in the war. I don't have Teoh Now with being on call 24 7 which we are. Yeah, sometimes you have Teoh. Yeah, and we work from home, so sometimes we do. But I'm very I'm big, so I'm all about like, making my space like a cozy and nurturing like if I need to be Oh, that's why I brought you a candle to Because I know for me, lighting candles is a big thing. I string lights all over me because I'm like, these are things that help me feel cozy. So, like little
spk_1: 25:42
pieces of self care, just like make yourself feel that getting
spk_0: 25:48
getting always, Yeah, I think some
spk_1: 25:51
people will be surprised, surprised by like a therapist you like, get set to use and has pierced.
spk_0: 25:59
Yeah, I don't know why,
spk_1: 26:01
but I feel like some people will be like That's It's like a G therapist can be.
spk_0: 26:09
I think there is. I think that just goes into the overall like this conception of therapists. It's just this idea that it's kind of this, like, very put together, like you said someone who just, like, has their life all Teoh straightened.
spk_1: 26:29
I just want everybody to know books that are always here to and
spk_0: 26:36
we just more than zero Good for me, Dio I don't know. Yeah, that's what I feel like. A lot of people won't or I've been told before When I walk in the door to meet a family for the first time, they're like, you know what we were expecting. And that's a good E. Yeah. I had one family one time. Like I thought you were gonna be like an old lady and sweater vests. I was like, as
spk_1: 27:10
you take up your
spk_0: 27:11
weight training something I think that there is there's just this image of a very particular person. It was gonna be like, I'm analyzing everything you say huddling for. Yeah. Yes. And then I'm gonna tell you how to fix hit.
spk_1: 27:30
No, because I am. And then I'm gonna go home and do that very thing. Absolutely not. No. Couldn't be further. Well, I think that there was no reason for you to worry about being on this episode. I think that you have. It's
spk_0: 27:49
I hope so. I
spk_1: 27:51
think that people are like that. You're cool. They're
spk_0: 27:56
pissed too. Thank you. People don't know that. Here's the end of the day, and research shows that the most important part of their Pete is the relationship that you have with your therapist across different modalities and different types of therapy. Even in family therapy, like there, we adhere to a model. But at the end of the day, like it's your relationship with a therapist should be collaborative and comfortable, and it won't always be that way Mandated clients because they're like, we don't want you here. Yeah, I wear gonna be best for the end of this. Yeah, And so you know, I have kids were like that. I'm not gonna miss you and that's OK. It really is fine. Like, I don't expect all the mandate, but I think it's just like we have so much control over what there he can look like, You know, as first choosing someone who's going to be
spk_1: 28:56
a good fit for you. It's what that experience is gonna be like. It's just about connection. It's not necessarily even really about the model all the time. Yeah, it should be in a decent human being to this person.
spk_0: 29:12
It's, surprisingly, I can't believe that Shocking.
spk_1: 29:16
Yes, the center of it. But we always used to joke in our social work program that we're like, this program could
spk_0: 29:20
be called How not to be a jerk, because really
spk_1: 29:25
Don't just don't listen to people. That's what we're here for. It's a big part of it. Well, thank you
spk_0: 29:36
for being, I think way talked so much. Barely So did not. So I did, like, one stitch as we started. I e did, like four, which is crazy because I have so much left to It's so cute. Though.
spk_1: 29:53
I can't wait. We will definitely post a picture of the instagram of your baby. Okay,
spk_0: 29:59
this doesn't really resemble any like yours resembles flowers. Mine looks like Oh, that helmet. Yeah, Yeah, it looks like with a I was going to call. This was this was the first color I did, And that alone was very free. And there
spk_1: 30:26
will be a picture of a finished product if you don't.
spk_0: 30:29
Oh, yeah,
spk_1: 30:30
because if we don't get people into their be, we will get people
spk_0: 30:33
took hostage. And if you stay tuned now, we're gonna tell you all about reason. Cross
spk_1: 30:39
stitching projects, Yes, how to get you into. And it will be much more
spk_0: 30:48
must my stitch. Oh, my
spk_1: 30:50
gosh. That will be the name of this.
spk_0: 30:51
Did there is. Well, that's the end of the Pill of positions. Podcast. Stay tuned. First interested. Thanks for listening to another episode of pillow Core Sessions. Podcasts. We so appreciate your curiosity. This show was edited and produced by me, Nicole Fortune and my partner, Myka. Back down. Sounds in general acuteness provided by manager on the dock and mob Morales the cat. If you're listening on iTunes, please describe and leave us a review. It helps people find us. You want to see video versions of sessions and or follow us on social medias, check out our website pillow fort Poch dot com. Do you or someone you know want to be in the pillow? Fort, Go email us right now. A pillow port pot at gmail dot com. Second, Yeah. Yeah, Bio